Washington

Slog PM: Call Her By Her African Name, Thandiwe Newton; Seattle Is One of the Most Relaxed Cities in the US; British Columbia Getting Its Ass Kicked by Brazilian Covid Strain

Seattle is chill? And so is Bellevue? This is what “a new report released Wednesday of the most relaxed cities in the country” says, believe it or not. But here is the interesting part: the top ten chill cities (chill because of “access to spas and wellness centers, low depression rate, percentage of adults with high blood pressure, and the average length of a workday”), are all in blue states. The bottom (most illing) ten cities are—save one, Detroit—in red states.

What’s going on here? Seattle gives your book maybe the greatest review ever, and what do you (Zachary D. Carter) do to Seattle? Talk shit.

The 1990s sucked all around. Sorry you were fooled into thinking otherwise. Indeed, grunge music was only telling how much Seattle sucked. That was what all of those songs were about. Didn’t you listen? How did you miss this obvious message? Nirvana: Seattle sucks. Alice in Chains: Seattle sucks. Soundgarden: Seattle sucks, dude.

The Good News: A rapid COVID testing spot opened today at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. You get results in just 3 minutes. The bad news? It costs $200. In a world where things are normal, these tests would be imposed on everyone in the airport and cost nothing. But our world is, sadly, not the normal one.

The Good News: Those 16 and older in Seattle can preregister for a jab now. The bad news is found in the fact that you are learning about this opportunity only now, at the end of the day. That’s the way the cookie crumbles.

If this news knocks your socks off, “man, where have you been”? Reuters reports that the CDC is certain that the “B.1.1.7 variant first discovered in the UK is now the most common strain of COVID-19 in the US.” Do not act as if any of this was not in the cards. This pandemic is packed with predictions that prove correct but fail to save lives.

But man, what’s going on in British Columbia? I thought the border was closed because of us (in the US), but now it’s looking like the border should be closed because of them.

The Canadians are also sucking worse than the US when it comes to the vaccine rollout. The sad situation even has a name. It’s called “jab envy.”

Her full name is now Thandiwe Newton: That’s the one. And that’s her Zimbabwean name. After all of these years, she is now setting the record straight. This wack “Thandie” stuff has got to go. She is 48. She has played the safe name game for far too long. This is how you pronounce Thandiwe: Tan-Dee-Way. Speaking of which, the American pronunciation for my surname is Moo-Day-Dee. I’m also considering changing my first name, Charles, to its African corruption, Chares (there are no Ls in Shona.)

Zimbo Woes Go to Hollywood: I have not watched one episode of Bridgerton, and, if I may be honest just this once, I probably never will. But I do know that the star of the popular show, Regé-Jean Page, is like me, and Thandiwe Newton, and Danai Gurira, a Zimbo. (Meaning, a Zimbabwean.)

Well, seems like Page (thinking big) wanted some role in a comic-book-movie-or-something-or-other. He gave it his all, but nothing came of it. He was denied the superhero movie role because he’s kinda, you know, black.

Read all about it:

DC Entertainment reportedly passed on “Bridgerton” breakout Regé-Jean Page for a role in Syfy’s “Krypton” after an executive allegedly argued that the series’ lead could not be portrayed by a Black actor.

Before his star skyrocketed with the release of Shonda Rhimes’ hit period drama, Page auditioned to play Superman’s grandfather in the action program, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Despite the “Krypton” creators’ reported desire to diversify the DC Extended Universe, then-DC chief creative officer Geoffrey Johns allegedly said Superman’s grandfather could not be Black.

Shamwari, welcome to America.

This is America, again and again: Bodycam footage of the Tacoma black man arrested for trying to do his bloody job, which is delivering newspapers while most people (many of whom are white) are fast asleep, has been released by the Tacoma Police Department and can be seen here. See, he did nothing but be what he could never un-be: a black man.

Mike Pence indicates he is dreaming: But no matter how early he starts, and how much money he spends, 2024 will never open the door of the White House for him. Sorry, old bean.

Let’s end PM with what must be the most beautiful piece of music devoted to “the house of stones,” Zimbabwe.

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